Living with an angry person

Living with an angry person  There are many issues involved with anger.
As the saying about people who sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas, living with an angry person to change. It will change what you are willing to tolerate the level of tension, his attitude and behavior in general. When the cycle continues for a long enough time period, you can find and the angry person works more as a dance partner in "Dancing Mad".
You may think you are different and somehow his anger How does or can "manage". You can go wrong. Anger is a powerful emotion.One way to be assigned to live with an angry person is that you start to get angry yourself. Even when removed, when it comes, brings with it major changes. You can be charged with more anger than you think. Anger can completely change the mood, action and thinking people. Anger is also imposed other emotions. The angry person may really like, but when the madness of anger attacks, which can change drastically.
The wrath of the changes. You can change from being cute and cuddly into a monster. A monster is a monster, if a hug or a pretty terrible. Whether or not the angry person is violent towards you, your anger is destroying the spirit of marriage. If the angry person is a parent or sibling, which can be anger destroy any type of family unit.
It is hard to resist anger. It takes courage. Because anger is often associated with threats, often stopped to risk. It may be that people who still live in despair, hope for change but feel powerless to do anything. Taking such a position can buy time, but does not address the anger issues behind him. You do not have to be "remains glibbering" Having someone to listen or take seriously.
With some people angry, no way to make them happy. They are angry when they get their way, they get mad when they do. This is a misconception that can make them happy. If you try, always will be frustrated. Remember, they are choosing to be angry. You do not get mad, get mad. They often try to blame others and make the cause of his anger rather than take responsibility for their own state of mind. They have not learned to put Big Boy pants and take responsibility for their own mood. The sooner this is recognized and acknowledged that, the sooner the relationship will become healthier.
There are many other problems involved in living with someone who has anger issues. Although anger is not itself a mental disease, certain types of anger and temper tantrums may indicate deeper problems.
This is especially true when you are dealing with someone who has any type of password length. People with drug used to "give" their impulses. When these units are anger, can make the situation volatile. With the ongoing substance abuse are more likely to "react" instead of thinking about problems. They probably did not think or open to discussion of things. Fight against addictions run the gamut to include sex, gambling, alcohol and drug abuse.
Insufficient capacity to deal with anger is also associated with many disorders and organic. Decide the best way to live with these people often begins with knowing exactly what your case.
13 things you can do when you live with an angry personSome suggestions on how to live with an angry person:

1. The first concern is safety. Make sure that you and your family are safe. Do not take chances in this area. When there is violence or threats of violence do not hesitate to call the police. Prior to doing so, you may want to make sure that you have a getaway bag filled with the essentials that you need. You may also want to have the phone number of a local shelter if you have to suddenly leave.

2. Do not make threats toward the angry person. When they are in that state of mind and emotion, they are simply reacting, they are not thinking.

3. Do not try to discuss matters logically with them when they are in the midst of their anger. It is not by chance that the Romans used the phrase "Anger is a brief madness", when discussing this issue. In the midst of anger, people are not rational.

4. Do not block doors or access to passageways. Angry people often feel threatened. When they feel trapped on top of that there is often even greater agitation.

5. Do not take what they say personally. This is especially true when the angry person is someone with Alzheimer's or other organic issue. When you take it personally, you will often react personally to the comment.

6. Avoid blaming. Blaming only serves to agitate and increase the intensity of the anger. Blaming will not solve anything other than identifying a target for the person's wrath.

7. Establish clear and consistent boundaries. Having clear and consistent boundaries will help develop a sense of order and structure. Boundaries can also be made in terms of routine and schedule.

8. Do not add alcohol or drugs into the mix. These may give you a temporary reprieve, but they usually lead to even more loss of self-control in such situations.

9. Encourage them to sit down. The likelihood of anger turning into violence decreases when people are sitting down.

10. Decorate and arrange the home or environment that you are living with them to remove 'triggers' and instead have one that creates a calm peaceful setting.

11. Set clear boundaries (and stick to them). The boundaries protect you and will help stabilize the relationship.

12. Do not accept being treated as insignificant. You have value and worth. You have something to say. Expecting them to listen to you is not being unrealistic.

13. Let the angry person know that their abusive behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

Ways the Angry Person Keeps their Anger Alive
Many times, those who harbor the anger justify it. Some of the ways that this occurs are as follows:

-They bring up unresolved conflicts from the past. They often replay old battles to work up their anger. By refighting old battles, they become emotionally fired up and feel like they have some control over the situation.

-They often force you to listen to their story line. These people will likely call back after you hang up on them just to keep the anger going. They are determined to 'make' you listen to them. Some go so far as to coerce you not only to listen, but also agree with their version of things.

-They will try controlling your behavior. They use anger to intimidate and control people and situations. The way they try to control may include the use of threats or intimidation.

-They believe they need to put annoying people in their place. Angry people feel they are on a mission to put others where they belong. The angry person has a view of the world which they try to forcible maintain.

-They obsess on memories of past hurts. They replay mental movies of past wrong with the intent of staying angry and seeking revenge. By replaying the memories, they may also be trying to block out what others are saying.

-They replay past hurts for sympathy or support. When you try giving them sympathy, they may dismiss it and make you feel like it is never enough.

-They obsess on threatening images or memories. When they begin obsessing, it may be on what 'may' happen or memories of close calls.

-They assume what happened in the past is going to happen again.

-They compare the past with the present. Since anger often accompanies justification, you will find them always making and finding excuses to stay angry.

-They view the objects of their anger as something less than human. They often treat you and refer to you as an object rather than a person. If you are not the target, then the person who is the target is degraded and devalued. They often have to devalue the target prior to taking their anger out on them so that they do not feel so bad, guilty or remorseful about what happened. In their mind, the person 'deserved it'.

-They maintain an on-going fight in their head which keeps them worked up.

What to do when the angry person traps you

That is a tough situation. Angry people often trap their victims either emotionally or physically. When you have been trapped repeatedly over time, you may find yourself struggling with 'learned helplessness'. Realize that the angry person is going to get angry whatever choice you make. It is a no-win situation. Some of the ways others have dealt with situations of being trapped include the following:

1. Lower your voice and speak calmly to them when they loose their cool.

2. Always make sure you know where the nearest exit is.

3. Make sure that the angry person does not block your access to the exit no nor you block his. Angry people get worse when they feel trapped. This is also why you do not want to take their keys or have them take yours since it intensifies the trapped feeling.

4. Agree to only talk to them if the two of you are sitting down. Tell them that you want to talk, you are bothered by their anger, so since you want to talk but want to limit the anger, sitting down at a table and talking is a way to accomplish both. (The table also serves as a protective barrier)

5. Give them more attention when they are calm. Then subtlety decrease the attention when they are angry. This will take some practice. The illustration of your father sounds like a person who likes an audience. When the audience is not watching, the show is over.

6. Make sure you have an escape with a change of clothes, cash and essentials for you to be able to get away.

Ten things to do when living with an angry parent:

1. Have a safe place to go (in your room or at a friends house).

2. Try setting boundaries (closing a door, arranging your room where there are barriers between you and the door, etc).

3. Have friend that you can talk to about it. Not ones that want you to take revenge. Safety is more important that revenge. You want to be able to talk to them, not plan revenge with them.

4. Talk to the other parent, or even grand-parents about the problem. It could be that there have been other people in the family that have struggled with the angry person before.

5. Talk to your pastor or youth pastor if a parent is not available.

6. If you can not talk to your parent, pastor, family member, and have tried everyone in the family, then call for outside help (e.g. police when your safety is in danger) The angry person often gets very upset with police involvement. This is an option if your safety is in danger and you have used up all the family options.

7. Find a quiet place to sit and breathe before you take action. When we are caught up in the moment, we often just react and don't think. When dealing with family members you need to think clearly. If you are angry, sit and breathe, then sit and breath again before you respond to the situation.

8. Striking back in anger toward an angry person makes for more anger, not less anger.

9. Pray for the angry person.

10. Avoid cornering the angry person. Never position yourself between them and the door.

The assailant, signs and symptoms of domestic violence

The assailant, SignMany domestic violence, sometimes we become witnesses to the death in the soul of a victim of abuse, and we choose not to act, either because we consider it necessary or not a problem of us to participate. The maximum you may think you can do is give advice. Although it is always sincere and effective to do so, I might consider a new stage to show that the victim not only to care for their welfare, but is willing to give them the help they really need. We always talk about our concerns about friends or family or society itself, we will begin to turn our concerns into positive actions. Practice what we preach and see how life can give you a second chance by his own hands.
The personality of the abuser
The surface of many reasons why we decided not to intervene, and the victim usually does not allow intervention because the abuser has a common schema to capture the sensitivity of the victim. The abuser will go very violent abusive behavior of apologetics with "sincere promises of change" and it is easy for a while but not long enough to repeat the cycle of violence. We must intervene, not abruptly, rather than developing a plan, taking action when everything is ready for the victim to be in a safe environment. Many times we are not aware of the abuse, because the author is very good to have a quieter side, softer in public because many are either sympathetic or believe they can do no harm. The personality of the abuser may be difficult to detect, and usually only be detected if the victim interprets the signs of abuse. Do not let the attacker gestures guilty of heart rate and justify their actions. Once the silence is broken and the victim leaves her abuser, the abuser will go to any means necessary to run as well. The aggressor will be desperate, sad, hopeless, even blaming the victim for their own behavior so that they feel justified in the context of measures taken.Sometimes the stories seem reasonable, especially if they have recently acted kind and generous to you. In severe cases when the victim leaves the abuser, the abuser will try to make friends with friends of the victim or the family again in an attempt to be even in the inner circle of his victims, not only to feel close to his victim, but the retrieval of information. Many people make mistakes, but in these cases of domestic violence perpetrators have committed a crime, not an error if their actions continue every day for several years that affect the welfare of another human being. Such behavior can not ignore.
What is domestic violence between spouses?

Domestic abuse between partners arises when there is a clear sign of control by one spouse over the other. The abuser uses fear, intimidation or humiliation to control their spouse, and if the abuser feels that doesn't work they resort to violence. If the domestic abuse turns physical it's called domestic violence. Many relationships have their own struggles to overcome, but if your spouse's actions are more than just the effect of no trust in the relationship then you need to realize the reality of the situation you are in and leave. Your abuser will first use verbal means to get at you then will turn physical if they have feel at a loss of control. This is not acceptable.

Types of Abuse

Domestic abuse can be: physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and/or stalking. Do not mistake abuse for love and do not mistake your spouse's constant irrational needs as a term of endearment. You are not in a healthy relationship if your every step needs to be controlled by your spouse. This type of need is not love it is a dangerous abusive mentality, as the victim you must accept this reality and find the strength to push away. You deserve to live free of fear, you deserve to be respected in a relationship you invest your heart and soul into, and more importantly you deserve a chance at life. That one slap, that one humiliating moment in public, that one aggressive or violent unjustified reaction will turn into a million more if you allow it.

Signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship!
(helpguide.org)

If you answer the majority of the questions below with a yes, then you are more likely in an abusive relationship; you will be okay if you seek help.

• Are you fearful of your partner a large percentage of the time?
• Do you avoid certain topics or spend a lot of time figuring out how to talk about certain topics so that you do not arouse your partner's negative reaction or anger?
• Do you ever feel that you can't do anything right for your partner?
• Do you ever feel so badly about yourself that you think you deserve to be physically hurt?
• Have you lost the love and respect that you once had for your partner?
• Do you sometimes wonder if you are the one who is crazy, that maybe you are overreacting to your partner's behaviors?
• Are you afraid that your partner may try to kill you?
• Are you afraid that your partner will try to take your children away from you?
• Do you feel that there is nowhere to turn for help?
• Are you feeling emotionally numb?
• Were you abused as a child, or did you grow up with domestic violence in the household? Does domestic violence seem normal to you?

"Your partner's lack of control over their own behavior":

• Does your partner have low self-esteem? Do they appear to feel powerless, ineffective, or inadequate in the world, although they are outwardly successful?
• Does your partner externalize the causes of their own behavior? Do they blame their violence on stress, alcohol, or a "bad day"?
• Is your partner unpredictable?
• Is your partner a pleasant person between bouts of violence?

"Your partner's violent or threatening behavior":

• Does your partner have a bad temper?
• Has your partner ever threatened to hurt you or kill you?
• Has your partner ever physically hurt you?
• Has your partner threatened to take your children away from you, especially if you try to leave the relationship?
• Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide, especially as a way of keeping you from leaving?
• Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn't want to?
• Has your partner threatened you at work, either in person or on the phone?
• Does your partner destroy your belongings or household objects?

"Your partner's controlling behavior":

• Does your partner try to keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• Are you embarrassed to invite friends or family over to your house because of your partner's behavior?
• Has your partner limited your access to money, the telephone, or the car?
• Does your partner try to stop you from going where you want to go outside of the house, or from doing what you want to do?
• Is your partner jealous and possessive, asking where you are going and where you have been, as if checking up on you? Do they accuse you of having an affair?

Your partner's diminishment of you":

• Does your partner verbally abuse you?
• Does your partner humiliate or criticize you in front of others?
• Does your partner often ignore you or put down your opinions or contributions?
• Does your partner always insist that they are right, even when they are clearly wrong?
• Does your partner blame you for their own violent behavior, saying that your behavior or attitudes cause them to be violent?
• Is your partner often outwardly angry with you?
• Does your partner objectify and disrespect those of your gender? Does your partner see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

If you or someone you know is going through this, lend them a hand, guide them to the many support systems available, and in my opinion do as much as you can but do not let it negatively affect your own life.

What is domestic violence?

What is domestic violence?  
Domestic violence should not happen to anyone. Ever. Period. But yeah. and when this happens, there help.maybe you have lived withabuse, maybe it's happened once, maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now.

National Violenceis attempt of a person in a relationship to control another. There can be criminal involving physical assault (hitting,pushing, hitting, etc..) Other types of abuse include psychologicaland emotional behaviors are not criminals, but they are forms of abuse and eventually can lead to serious criminal violence .

Violence can take many forms and can occur occasionally or very often. Victims can be of any age, race, sex, religion or status.Although victims can be men and women, most victims are women and children because they are more vulnerable.

Examples of abuse include:

disparagement

Namecalling-

-Breakdown of social ties

-Bullying

physical damage

-Sexual Assault

ambush

keep the person to contact family and friends

Victims of domestic violence must not forget that this is not their fault, they are abused and should seek help immediately.

The upper crust of the scourges of violence in India

The upper crust of the scourges of violence in India

With stylish sunglasses on her head, brightly painted nails anddressed in black designer clothes, the woman sitting in a trendy cafe in New Delhi can not be like a battered wife.

But the woman, who asked that his name be withheld to protect their identity and their son, was abused for years by her husband, a lawyer.

"He choked, spat on me, he slapped me," the woman, a mother of37 years of age of two who grew up in a wealthy family based in London from India, said in an interview.

It is one of the millions of Indian women of all classes, who are abused by their husbands. A recent survey by the government saidone woman in three Indians were victims of domestic violence.
 
Your education and status among the elite of India has given little protection against her husband, rich and well connected.

After years of abuse, took her husband to court in a domesticviolence history to protect battered women and severe penalties for abusers, but so far without success.

"This law, which is approved by Parliament in 2006, was not taken seriously," said his lawyer, KK Manan. "On one pretext or another,the case is postponed."

A total of 185,312 crimes against women were registered in India in 2007, compared to 164,765 in 2006. Groups rights to say many more cases go unreported.

Domestic violence has long been in the public eye and mediaregularly offers case of battered women on issues such as dowryand the torture and murder of women, particularly in the poorest households.

India's economic boom has brought a rise in affluent women, often with careers, who enjoy greater freedom than their parents' generation. They dress in Western clothes and visit restaurants, bars and night clubs.

These changes sometimes clash with hardline elements of what remains a largely conservative society. Even among India's upper crust, women's freedom can be superficial.

MONEY AND POWER

The domestic violence act was meant for the first time to give protection and compensation for all kinds of abuse in the home, including physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or economic.

Previously, for example, husbands could not be prosecuted for raping their wives, unless the wife was under the age of 15. The new law aims to pass sentence within 60 days of the first hearing.

But more than a year later, the woman's case is still bogged down and in early March she had to make yet another appearance at a special Delhi women's court.

From her lawyer's cramped chambers, she walked past a low colonnade of clerks who still use typewriters, up a grimy staircase to a crowded, tiny courtroom for her case to be heard.

"Women are not being safeguarded from this act," she said. "Any woman who is a victim of domestic violence has to face lengthy court cases, hence exorbitant lawyers' fees ... It's all about money and power in this country. You can buy anyone."

Once more, her husband and his legal counsel did not turn up at court, but the judge hears the case in their absence. Come June, she is still waiting for the next court appearance.

Often cases are adjourned if the accused is not present. One member of her legal team says few sentences have been passed against abusive husbands, partly because of such delays.

Long-held attitudes towards domestic violence in India are slow to change and justice can be murky and remote. A recent government survey found 54 per cent of women, against 51 per cent of men, say wife-beating is justified in some circumstances.

Also, there is a still a commonly held opinion in Indian society that women lodge false complaints of abuse, Manan said.

"There is always a stigma attached ... to a divorcee, to a woman who goes and reports against the family," said Kumud Sharma, vice chair of the Centre for Women's Studies.

"This notion of family integrity or not speaking against the family or family members, prevents many women from going and reporting about it."

BRIBE AND LIE

One of the woman's friends has tried to divorce her abusive husband, a wealthy developer whom she wed in an arranged marriage when she was aged 19 even though she had major doubts.

When she tried to leave him after 11 years of physical abuse and after he had an affair, his family dragged her back.

"I was physically forced back into a car. They then locked me in a room when I got to his house," the friend said, as her young daughter, whom the husband refuses to help take care of, quietly doodles with crayons next to her.

The woman, who also asked for her name to be withheld to protect her and her daughter's identity, eventually managed to leave her husband. Her legal case has barely moved forward because, she said, the system is "slow like a snail".

The battered wives of Delhi's rich say husbands use their wealth and influence to delay court cases and muddy proceedings.

Bribery is a common trick, they say, another is to hire private detectives to follow wives around and get false evidence of the wife's 'adultery' by photographing them near random men.

"Initially (her) husband was roaming around with some other lady," lawyer KK Manan said of his client. "To come out of that situation he is now making false allegations."

Poor women suffer most as they often don't have the means to leave their abusive husbands, but activists say domestic abuse can affect any home, rich or poor.

"I would think it's pretty much rampant across classes," said Nandita Bhatla of the International Centre for Research on Women.